040: Mrs. Badass SMASH!
Feb. 3rd, 2011 11:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kurtofsky_ims
Mrs. Badass SMASH!
As Dave and his mom pulled into the drive at Dalton Academy, he was struck by the similarities (and differences) to last time. Like how his mom had unknowingly parked in the exact same spot as he had last time (and how she'd insisted on blaring Britney the whole drive as opposed to the silence Dave, himself had driven in).
Dave was out before the car was even off, barely remembering to shut his door before limping his way as quickly as he could toward the front doors, Dana hot on his heels.
"What's he look like?" She demanded, "Is he small? Can I take him? I'll kick his ass."
"Mom. Calm your shit." Dave would’ve been amused under different circumstances, seeing his tiny mother all wound up with secondhand rage for her son’s friend.
"I will not! If crazypants in there is fucking with someone you like enough that you feel the need to come down here, then I'm sure as shit gonna reserve the right to be just as mad as you are!"
--
Kurt had just left the library, intent on reporting Blaine's behavior to the headmaster, when David burst through the doors, a short woman with rage in her eyes right on his heels. Kurt walked over to them as quickly as he could without drawing attention to himself. He stopped short a few feet from the pair of them. "Thanks for coming," he said, trying not to sound as anxious as he felt. He turned to the woman. "Mrs. Karofsky? Nice to finally meet you, although I wish the circumstances were better." He extended his hand for her to shake.
Dana grabbed his hand and yanked him in for a hug. "Don't you dare 'Mrs. Karofsky' me. It's Dana to you. Or Mrs. Badass."
"Mom, don't suffocate the dude." Dave muttered before glancing over at Kurt, "You okay, Fancy?" He asked, hesitating for a second before putting his hand on the other boy's shoulder. When Dana finally let go of him, Dave rolled his eyes.
"Do you want a fictional response or a non-fictional one?" Kurt asked, his brows drawing together slightly as his mind flashed back to Blaine in his bed... "Because I'm sure I could whip together a fabulous fabrication."
"Tell me the truth, dude."
"I'm about as far from okay as it's possible to be," Kurt sighed. "But once I'm out of here it'll be better. I think."
"That's it, then. Honey, we're taking you home today," Mrs. Badass said, and her determined expression dampened Kurt's will to argue.
Dave nodded in agreement, turning to head for Kurt's room. "We'll get your shit and just go, okay?"
"I'll have to call my dad," Kurt said. "He's picking me up tomorrow."
"Not anymore he isn't," Mrs. Badass replied.
"You got boxes or anything? I mean, I can run and get some trash bags or some shit if you need, but..."
"I have luggage stowed under my bed. It should hold everything," Kurt replied. He unlocked his room. "I swear on the life of Marc Jacobs' career, Blaine, if you're in here I'm going to call the police."
"He's not," Thomas said, emerging from the bathroom. "I... I kicked him out. When you left, I..." He looked over and saw David, and flinched. "I kicked him out," he said more quietly.
"What happened to your face, kid?" Mrs. Badass asked, peering at Thomas' bruised eye.
Dave snorted. "Kurt hit 'im." Dana glanced at Kurt, then Thomas, who shrugged. "Sorry 'bout, uh... fucking with you last time." Dave muttered.
"I shouldn't have... done what I did," Thomas mumbled. "If Blaine hadn't -- " he clammed up suddenly.
"Hadn't what?" Kurt asked. When it was obvious Thomas wasn't going to say anymore, Kurt flexed his hand and eyed his roommate. "Thanks for getting rid of him, Thomas," he said finally. Then he disappeared under his bed to fetch his luggage.
Dave started packing up Kurt's laptop and getting his notebooks together as Thomas stood awkwardly in the middle of the small room, then decided to just wander out into the hall. "You two finish up in here, I'll be right back," Dave's mom slipped out after him, shutting the door behind her. Dave glanced up at the closed door, pausing what he was doing for a second.
"She's going to scare the crap out of him, isn't she," Kurt said, sighing. He opened his closet door and eyed his clothes, then resolutely grabbed an armful of hangers. He could send his clothes to the dry cleaner's in Lima when they got home.
Dave shrugged slightly. "Only a little," he replied, "I think she wants to talk to him about, y'know, the legal whatever, too, so..." Dave held up a thick, glossy magazine and raised a brow. "Gonna go ahead and assume this is yours? Don't wanna accidentally steal any of that other kid's crap."
"Anything on my side of the room is mine," Kurt said, tossing another armful of clothes into the first suitcase. "I kicked all of Thomas' things over to his side this morning because I knew I'd have to finish packing." He got a better look at the cover of the magazine. "Oh, don't lose that. It's got wardrobe notes for my return to McKinley in it."
Dave just shrugged and slid the magazine in with Kurt's laptop. He heard the sound of Thomas crying faintly through the door. "Mom...!" He called.
"It's not how it sounds, now butt out." She snapped back.
"It's exactly how it sounds, isn't it," Kurt murmured. He zipped the main compartment of the suitcase and slid open the top drawer of his dresser, pulling out carefully folded underwear and stuffing it into the open side compartment. "I hope she doesn't traumatize him too badly."
"From what I hear, he'll be okay. Legally, I mean. Since he was probably forced into it. 'Course, I dunno, he'll probably have to rat on Blaine to be safe, but..." He shrugged.
"Wait, she's giving him legal advice?" Kurt paused, clutching another handful of underwear. "I'm so sorry... I thought she was telling him off." He blushed a little, stuffing the underwear into his suitcase. "Is she qualified to give legal advice? I thought she was an interior designer."
"Oh, yeah. My dad's a lawyer, so I'm pretty sure they talked about it already."
"Oh, um." Kurt shoved some socks into the second side pocket. "That's nice of your dad."
"Yeah, well. Just wait till they start trying to shove it at you. You'll want to kill them both." Dave cracked a slight grin.
Kurt snorted. "Sounds so fun," he said. He zipped up the suitcase, setting it on the floor, and stripped his bed before picking up the second, larger case. "Lucky the dress code is so strict here," he said. "You've seen my closet at home. I could barely bring anything, which I was mournful about when I transferred, but now..."
"Well, either way. We've got our car too if you need the room. S'no big deal."
"Thanks. My car should be big enough, but that depends on how good you are at luggage Tetris." He stuffed his bedding into the suitcase, squashing it down.
"Oh --I am excellent at luggage Tetris. No worries." Dave's mom came back in, Thomas nowhere in sight.
She sighed quietly. "Alright, well. You guys almost done?"
"Yeah," Kurt replied. "Dad already came for most of my things earlier this week. I just have to pack up my toiletry bag and grab my towel from the bathroom." He headed in there, pausing to smile shakily at Mrs. Karofsky. "Thank you," he said. "You and your son are amazing in a crisis." He forced back a shudder that threatened to burst forth at the thought of Blaine in his room, on his bed, waiting for him. And the things he'd said... "I'll be ready in just a minute."
Mrs. Karofsky just shrugged. "It's what we do. Baby, why don't you start taking Kurt's things down to his car, okay?"
Dave just grunted in reply as he started picking things up, then glanced at the other boy, "Keys?"
Kurt fished them out of his pocket and handed them over, then disappeared into the bathroom to gather his remaining belongings, closing the door behind him. He tossed out a few nearly empty bottles, since he had duplicates at home, but the rest was efficiently packed away in the toiletry bag. He checked the medicine cabinet to make sure he hadn't left anything behind, then closed it. That's when he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. Sighing, he leaned his hands on the sink and stared at himself.
Dave headed out the door, balancing Kurt's stuff as best he could as he walked down to the elevator. Once he'd gotten downstairs, he saw Thomas again, who just nodded and kept walking, texting away at someone. He still looked upset, and Dave sort of figured he might be texting one of his parents.
"You okay, baby?" Mrs. Karofsky tapped on the bathroom door gently after a moment when Kurt still hadn't come out.
Kurt startled, wiping his eyes and sniffling quietly. God, he felt like such a failure. He'd transferred to a private school to run away from his problems, and instead of succeeding at that, he'd only fallen straight into another set of problems that were bigger and more complex than the first ones.
"Yeah," he called. He washed his hands and sniffed again, gave himself one last red-eyed glance in the mirror, and grabbed his things. Then he stepped out into his room, plastering a small, brave smile on his face.
Mrs. Karofsky stared at Kurt for a moment, then pulled him into a hug, resting her chin on his shoulder as she ran a hand over his back. "It'll be okay, baby. Just wait. You'll get home and soon enough it'll be like you never left." And, okay, maybe that wasn't totally true, but it was close enough.
"Thanks, Mrs. Badass," Kurt said, pulling away from the hug and sniffing softly. He stepped back and turned toward the door when it opened again and David stepped back into the room.
Dave tossed the keys back to Kurt as he glanced between the two of them. "Everything okay?"
Kurt thought about nodding and changed his mind. "Not really." He fiddled with the toiletry bag. "I'm hoping at some point it might be, though." He grabbed his winter jacket from the back of his desk chair and looked around the room, making sure he had everything. He'd Facebook Thomas later and ask him to ship anything he'd left behind to Lima.
Dave tried not to watch Kurt like a fucking creeper, but he couldn't help it. He watched Kurt, and his mom watched him and --fuck. He'd never hear the end of it later, especially since all he could think about when he looked at Kurt in the fucking uniform was the goddamn boarding school porn and-- "Um. We ready?" He asked, voice cracking slightly.
"Yeah," Kurt replied, nodding this time. He shrugged into his jacket and thumbed through his keys until he reached the one for his car. "Let's get out of here." Giving his dorm room one last glance, he stepped out into the hallway, shutting off the light as he went.
As they walked down to the elevator, Dave absently pulled his jacket off when he noticed that, before they'd even gotten outside, it was cooler than in the dorm room. He put it over his mom's shoulders and she bit back a smile and made a face to cover it up, then pulled it the rest of the way on and zipped it up.
Kurt smiled softly, thinking back to when David had done the same for him on the first night of what he was now privately coming to think of as The Blainaclysm. His keys jingled a bit as he shifted them in his hand and, as the elevator doors closed, he turned to David and his mother to thank them again.
Mrs. Karofsky held up a hand before Kurt could speak, the sleeve of her son's jacket covering most of it. "Please. You don't need to thank us. I'd do anything for my baby and he'd obviously do anything for you, so--"
"Mom. Did you know you can buy arsenic online? Isn't that so neat?"
Kurt let out a surprised laugh, Mrs. Badass' words shuffled to the back of his mind for the moment. "You can also find step-by-step instructions for making a pipe bomb, if the poison doesn't work," he added.
"Oh, yeah. All kinds of cool shit like that." Dave agreed, grinning.
"Y'know," Mrs. Karofsky drawled, "I'd hate to have to put a block on the internet. I mean, blocks don't just cut out your future as a hit man. It'd also cut out all that porn you watch --and I know there's not enough space on your hard drive to be downloading it, so you'd be effectively screwed." When Dave gaped, she just smiled. "I win."
"Low blow, Mrs. Badass," Kurt murmured. "You'd separate your only son from his porn?"
She smirked. "Yep."
"Moooom." Dave whined, kicking the back wall of the elevator car. It stopped a moment later and the doors opened. Dana stepped out first, Dave reaching forward to hold the door open.
Kurt stepped around his friend and into the hallway, adjusting his grip on the handle of his toiletry bag. He waited for David to emerge from the elevator, then headed toward the entryway and out into the parking lot. A familiar, unwelcome voice made him freeze in his tracks.
"I have to say, I really hoped you'd be more courageous than this, Kurt." Blaine stepped into his line of sight and Kurt reflexively stepped back toward the two Karofskys behind him.
Dave stiffened, hand going to Kurt's shoulder as he stepped in front of the smaller boy. Before he could say anything though, his mom was making her way forward.
"You? You're the one causing problems? Hell, I could kick your ass. Look at you. Can you even walk with all of Ohio's hair product on your head?"
Blaine cocked his head and gave her an assessing once-over. "You must be Mrs. Karofsky," he said finally, a charming grin sliding firmly into place. "I see you've heard of me."
Kurt peered around David's shoulder, tensing when Mrs. Badass did. "She's going to kill him," he murmured under his breath.
Dave nodded slightly. "Most likely. I--" he frowned. "I hope she doesn't have a shiv... She went through a... phase. Prison Break. Long story."
"We should probably stop her before she does something to get arrested," Kurt replied, his fingers curling around David's arm as he leaned further around him. Mrs. Badass was really worked up now, flailing her arms and gesturing angrily at Blaine as she yelled.
"Mrs. Karofsky, please calm down." Kurt noted with some satisfaction that Blaine's charming exterior was cracking, and he looked almost... intimidated. "I haven't done anything -- "
"Haven't done anything? Oh, that's just hilarious --oh, wait. No it's not. You terrorized my baby's friend. And if you don't get your ass back inside by the time I count to three, I'm gonna rip your tiny balls off and feed them to you. Do you hear me, Eyebrows?"
As Blaine hurried off, a look of undiluted horror on his face, she shouted after him, "You'll be hearing from my husband, you little freak!"
Kurt stepped forward, eyes wide. Then he walked quickly toward Mrs. Badass, leaned down, and grabbed her into a hug.
Dave laughed as soon as Blaine was out of earshot, the noise quiet and a little nervous, watching as his mom hugged Kurt back protectively.
"God, I... let me buy you lunch," Kurt said as he let Mrs. Badass go and stepped back toward David to include him in the conversation. "It's the least I can do."
"You have sweet friends, you know that baby?" Dana scowled at Dave playfully. "Y'know, you never take me out for lunch."
Dave's eyebrow shot up, "Lady, you haven't had to cook more than five days a year since I was thirteen."
"Maybe you should cook instead, then, David," Kurt said, aiming a small but genuine smile at the other boy.
"Ohhh, no. I know where this is going. This is how it starts. Soon I'll be cooking for my house and yours. Hell no." Dave grinned as his mom rolled her eyes.
"Drama queen."
"Breadstix it is, then." Kurt pulled his keys from his pocket and looked behind him at the dorm. "Can't say I'll miss this place."
"Baby, ride with Kurt. I'm sick of hearing you bitch about my music."
Dave almost looked like he wanted to argue but, really, what possible reason could he have to not want to ride with Kurt?
Kurt handed over his iPhone. "You pick the playlist," he said. Then he headed across the parking lot toward his car.
Dave followed along (hah, like he wouldn't follow Kurt pretty much anywhere), thumbing through Kurt's playlists as the walked to the car. He got in, shutting the door behind him, then glanced over at the other boy as he got in as well. "Why's there one with my name on it?"
"That?" Kurt stuck the key in the ignition. "Oh. Easiest way to keep track of the bands you introduced me to in the swarm of other songs on there," he said. "If I don't feel like having Gaga pop up every third track, I start the David Playlist." He grinned at the other boy.
"Oh..." Dave smiled crookedly as he hooked in the iPhone and started up the playlist. "Cool."
Dave was out before the car was even off, barely remembering to shut his door before limping his way as quickly as he could toward the front doors, Dana hot on his heels.
"What's he look like?" She demanded, "Is he small? Can I take him? I'll kick his ass."
"Mom. Calm your shit." Dave would’ve been amused under different circumstances, seeing his tiny mother all wound up with secondhand rage for her son’s friend.
"I will not! If crazypants in there is fucking with someone you like enough that you feel the need to come down here, then I'm sure as shit gonna reserve the right to be just as mad as you are!"
--
Kurt had just left the library, intent on reporting Blaine's behavior to the headmaster, when David burst through the doors, a short woman with rage in her eyes right on his heels. Kurt walked over to them as quickly as he could without drawing attention to himself. He stopped short a few feet from the pair of them. "Thanks for coming," he said, trying not to sound as anxious as he felt. He turned to the woman. "Mrs. Karofsky? Nice to finally meet you, although I wish the circumstances were better." He extended his hand for her to shake.
Dana grabbed his hand and yanked him in for a hug. "Don't you dare 'Mrs. Karofsky' me. It's Dana to you. Or Mrs. Badass."
"Mom, don't suffocate the dude." Dave muttered before glancing over at Kurt, "You okay, Fancy?" He asked, hesitating for a second before putting his hand on the other boy's shoulder. When Dana finally let go of him, Dave rolled his eyes.
"Do you want a fictional response or a non-fictional one?" Kurt asked, his brows drawing together slightly as his mind flashed back to Blaine in his bed... "Because I'm sure I could whip together a fabulous fabrication."
"Tell me the truth, dude."
"I'm about as far from okay as it's possible to be," Kurt sighed. "But once I'm out of here it'll be better. I think."
"That's it, then. Honey, we're taking you home today," Mrs. Badass said, and her determined expression dampened Kurt's will to argue.
Dave nodded in agreement, turning to head for Kurt's room. "We'll get your shit and just go, okay?"
"I'll have to call my dad," Kurt said. "He's picking me up tomorrow."
"Not anymore he isn't," Mrs. Badass replied.
"You got boxes or anything? I mean, I can run and get some trash bags or some shit if you need, but..."
"I have luggage stowed under my bed. It should hold everything," Kurt replied. He unlocked his room. "I swear on the life of Marc Jacobs' career, Blaine, if you're in here I'm going to call the police."
"He's not," Thomas said, emerging from the bathroom. "I... I kicked him out. When you left, I..." He looked over and saw David, and flinched. "I kicked him out," he said more quietly.
"What happened to your face, kid?" Mrs. Badass asked, peering at Thomas' bruised eye.
Dave snorted. "Kurt hit 'im." Dana glanced at Kurt, then Thomas, who shrugged. "Sorry 'bout, uh... fucking with you last time." Dave muttered.
"I shouldn't have... done what I did," Thomas mumbled. "If Blaine hadn't -- " he clammed up suddenly.
"Hadn't what?" Kurt asked. When it was obvious Thomas wasn't going to say anymore, Kurt flexed his hand and eyed his roommate. "Thanks for getting rid of him, Thomas," he said finally. Then he disappeared under his bed to fetch his luggage.
Dave started packing up Kurt's laptop and getting his notebooks together as Thomas stood awkwardly in the middle of the small room, then decided to just wander out into the hall. "You two finish up in here, I'll be right back," Dave's mom slipped out after him, shutting the door behind her. Dave glanced up at the closed door, pausing what he was doing for a second.
"She's going to scare the crap out of him, isn't she," Kurt said, sighing. He opened his closet door and eyed his clothes, then resolutely grabbed an armful of hangers. He could send his clothes to the dry cleaner's in Lima when they got home.
Dave shrugged slightly. "Only a little," he replied, "I think she wants to talk to him about, y'know, the legal whatever, too, so..." Dave held up a thick, glossy magazine and raised a brow. "Gonna go ahead and assume this is yours? Don't wanna accidentally steal any of that other kid's crap."
"Anything on my side of the room is mine," Kurt said, tossing another armful of clothes into the first suitcase. "I kicked all of Thomas' things over to his side this morning because I knew I'd have to finish packing." He got a better look at the cover of the magazine. "Oh, don't lose that. It's got wardrobe notes for my return to McKinley in it."
Dave just shrugged and slid the magazine in with Kurt's laptop. He heard the sound of Thomas crying faintly through the door. "Mom...!" He called.
"It's not how it sounds, now butt out." She snapped back.
"It's exactly how it sounds, isn't it," Kurt murmured. He zipped the main compartment of the suitcase and slid open the top drawer of his dresser, pulling out carefully folded underwear and stuffing it into the open side compartment. "I hope she doesn't traumatize him too badly."
"From what I hear, he'll be okay. Legally, I mean. Since he was probably forced into it. 'Course, I dunno, he'll probably have to rat on Blaine to be safe, but..." He shrugged.
"Wait, she's giving him legal advice?" Kurt paused, clutching another handful of underwear. "I'm so sorry... I thought she was telling him off." He blushed a little, stuffing the underwear into his suitcase. "Is she qualified to give legal advice? I thought she was an interior designer."
"Oh, yeah. My dad's a lawyer, so I'm pretty sure they talked about it already."
"Oh, um." Kurt shoved some socks into the second side pocket. "That's nice of your dad."
"Yeah, well. Just wait till they start trying to shove it at you. You'll want to kill them both." Dave cracked a slight grin.
Kurt snorted. "Sounds so fun," he said. He zipped up the suitcase, setting it on the floor, and stripped his bed before picking up the second, larger case. "Lucky the dress code is so strict here," he said. "You've seen my closet at home. I could barely bring anything, which I was mournful about when I transferred, but now..."
"Well, either way. We've got our car too if you need the room. S'no big deal."
"Thanks. My car should be big enough, but that depends on how good you are at luggage Tetris." He stuffed his bedding into the suitcase, squashing it down.
"Oh --I am excellent at luggage Tetris. No worries." Dave's mom came back in, Thomas nowhere in sight.
She sighed quietly. "Alright, well. You guys almost done?"
"Yeah," Kurt replied. "Dad already came for most of my things earlier this week. I just have to pack up my toiletry bag and grab my towel from the bathroom." He headed in there, pausing to smile shakily at Mrs. Karofsky. "Thank you," he said. "You and your son are amazing in a crisis." He forced back a shudder that threatened to burst forth at the thought of Blaine in his room, on his bed, waiting for him. And the things he'd said... "I'll be ready in just a minute."
Mrs. Karofsky just shrugged. "It's what we do. Baby, why don't you start taking Kurt's things down to his car, okay?"
Dave just grunted in reply as he started picking things up, then glanced at the other boy, "Keys?"
Kurt fished them out of his pocket and handed them over, then disappeared into the bathroom to gather his remaining belongings, closing the door behind him. He tossed out a few nearly empty bottles, since he had duplicates at home, but the rest was efficiently packed away in the toiletry bag. He checked the medicine cabinet to make sure he hadn't left anything behind, then closed it. That's when he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. Sighing, he leaned his hands on the sink and stared at himself.
Dave headed out the door, balancing Kurt's stuff as best he could as he walked down to the elevator. Once he'd gotten downstairs, he saw Thomas again, who just nodded and kept walking, texting away at someone. He still looked upset, and Dave sort of figured he might be texting one of his parents.
"You okay, baby?" Mrs. Karofsky tapped on the bathroom door gently after a moment when Kurt still hadn't come out.
Kurt startled, wiping his eyes and sniffling quietly. God, he felt like such a failure. He'd transferred to a private school to run away from his problems, and instead of succeeding at that, he'd only fallen straight into another set of problems that were bigger and more complex than the first ones.
"Yeah," he called. He washed his hands and sniffed again, gave himself one last red-eyed glance in the mirror, and grabbed his things. Then he stepped out into his room, plastering a small, brave smile on his face.
Mrs. Karofsky stared at Kurt for a moment, then pulled him into a hug, resting her chin on his shoulder as she ran a hand over his back. "It'll be okay, baby. Just wait. You'll get home and soon enough it'll be like you never left." And, okay, maybe that wasn't totally true, but it was close enough.
"Thanks, Mrs. Badass," Kurt said, pulling away from the hug and sniffing softly. He stepped back and turned toward the door when it opened again and David stepped back into the room.
Dave tossed the keys back to Kurt as he glanced between the two of them. "Everything okay?"
Kurt thought about nodding and changed his mind. "Not really." He fiddled with the toiletry bag. "I'm hoping at some point it might be, though." He grabbed his winter jacket from the back of his desk chair and looked around the room, making sure he had everything. He'd Facebook Thomas later and ask him to ship anything he'd left behind to Lima.
Dave tried not to watch Kurt like a fucking creeper, but he couldn't help it. He watched Kurt, and his mom watched him and --fuck. He'd never hear the end of it later, especially since all he could think about when he looked at Kurt in the fucking uniform was the goddamn boarding school porn and-- "Um. We ready?" He asked, voice cracking slightly.
"Yeah," Kurt replied, nodding this time. He shrugged into his jacket and thumbed through his keys until he reached the one for his car. "Let's get out of here." Giving his dorm room one last glance, he stepped out into the hallway, shutting off the light as he went.
As they walked down to the elevator, Dave absently pulled his jacket off when he noticed that, before they'd even gotten outside, it was cooler than in the dorm room. He put it over his mom's shoulders and she bit back a smile and made a face to cover it up, then pulled it the rest of the way on and zipped it up.
Kurt smiled softly, thinking back to when David had done the same for him on the first night of what he was now privately coming to think of as The Blainaclysm. His keys jingled a bit as he shifted them in his hand and, as the elevator doors closed, he turned to David and his mother to thank them again.
Mrs. Karofsky held up a hand before Kurt could speak, the sleeve of her son's jacket covering most of it. "Please. You don't need to thank us. I'd do anything for my baby and he'd obviously do anything for you, so--"
"Mom. Did you know you can buy arsenic online? Isn't that so neat?"
Kurt let out a surprised laugh, Mrs. Badass' words shuffled to the back of his mind for the moment. "You can also find step-by-step instructions for making a pipe bomb, if the poison doesn't work," he added.
"Oh, yeah. All kinds of cool shit like that." Dave agreed, grinning.
"Y'know," Mrs. Karofsky drawled, "I'd hate to have to put a block on the internet. I mean, blocks don't just cut out your future as a hit man. It'd also cut out all that porn you watch --and I know there's not enough space on your hard drive to be downloading it, so you'd be effectively screwed." When Dave gaped, she just smiled. "I win."
"Low blow, Mrs. Badass," Kurt murmured. "You'd separate your only son from his porn?"
She smirked. "Yep."
"Moooom." Dave whined, kicking the back wall of the elevator car. It stopped a moment later and the doors opened. Dana stepped out first, Dave reaching forward to hold the door open.
Kurt stepped around his friend and into the hallway, adjusting his grip on the handle of his toiletry bag. He waited for David to emerge from the elevator, then headed toward the entryway and out into the parking lot. A familiar, unwelcome voice made him freeze in his tracks.
"I have to say, I really hoped you'd be more courageous than this, Kurt." Blaine stepped into his line of sight and Kurt reflexively stepped back toward the two Karofskys behind him.
Dave stiffened, hand going to Kurt's shoulder as he stepped in front of the smaller boy. Before he could say anything though, his mom was making her way forward.
"You? You're the one causing problems? Hell, I could kick your ass. Look at you. Can you even walk with all of Ohio's hair product on your head?"
Blaine cocked his head and gave her an assessing once-over. "You must be Mrs. Karofsky," he said finally, a charming grin sliding firmly into place. "I see you've heard of me."
Kurt peered around David's shoulder, tensing when Mrs. Badass did. "She's going to kill him," he murmured under his breath.
Dave nodded slightly. "Most likely. I--" he frowned. "I hope she doesn't have a shiv... She went through a... phase. Prison Break. Long story."
"We should probably stop her before she does something to get arrested," Kurt replied, his fingers curling around David's arm as he leaned further around him. Mrs. Badass was really worked up now, flailing her arms and gesturing angrily at Blaine as she yelled.
"Mrs. Karofsky, please calm down." Kurt noted with some satisfaction that Blaine's charming exterior was cracking, and he looked almost... intimidated. "I haven't done anything -- "
"Haven't done anything? Oh, that's just hilarious --oh, wait. No it's not. You terrorized my baby's friend. And if you don't get your ass back inside by the time I count to three, I'm gonna rip your tiny balls off and feed them to you. Do you hear me, Eyebrows?"
As Blaine hurried off, a look of undiluted horror on his face, she shouted after him, "You'll be hearing from my husband, you little freak!"
Kurt stepped forward, eyes wide. Then he walked quickly toward Mrs. Badass, leaned down, and grabbed her into a hug.
Dave laughed as soon as Blaine was out of earshot, the noise quiet and a little nervous, watching as his mom hugged Kurt back protectively.
"God, I... let me buy you lunch," Kurt said as he let Mrs. Badass go and stepped back toward David to include him in the conversation. "It's the least I can do."
"You have sweet friends, you know that baby?" Dana scowled at Dave playfully. "Y'know, you never take me out for lunch."
Dave's eyebrow shot up, "Lady, you haven't had to cook more than five days a year since I was thirteen."
"Maybe you should cook instead, then, David," Kurt said, aiming a small but genuine smile at the other boy.
"Ohhh, no. I know where this is going. This is how it starts. Soon I'll be cooking for my house and yours. Hell no." Dave grinned as his mom rolled her eyes.
"Drama queen."
"Breadstix it is, then." Kurt pulled his keys from his pocket and looked behind him at the dorm. "Can't say I'll miss this place."
"Baby, ride with Kurt. I'm sick of hearing you bitch about my music."
Dave almost looked like he wanted to argue but, really, what possible reason could he have to not want to ride with Kurt?
Kurt handed over his iPhone. "You pick the playlist," he said. Then he headed across the parking lot toward his car.
Dave followed along (hah, like he wouldn't follow Kurt pretty much anywhere), thumbing through Kurt's playlists as the walked to the car. He got in, shutting the door behind him, then glanced over at the other boy as he got in as well. "Why's there one with my name on it?"
"That?" Kurt stuck the key in the ignition. "Oh. Easiest way to keep track of the bands you introduced me to in the swarm of other songs on there," he said. "If I don't feel like having Gaga pop up every third track, I start the David Playlist." He grinned at the other boy.
"Oh..." Dave smiled crookedly as he hooked in the iPhone and started up the playlist. "Cool."
{ In a fit of boredom, Magz added nav links to the bottoms of each
canon KIMS entry, so you can easily jump back and forth. Yay, boredom! }
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2011-02-04 04:57 am (UTC)Now to read this~
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-04 05:00 am (UTC)ashfklashfklsahfklahl
If I turn into a mentally unstable person ALL BLAME IS ON YOU, TESS!! dhklfhskfhal
.........*squishes/~<3/etc* :B
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-04 05:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-04 05:03 am (UTC)I think I blacked out a little from excitement!!!!
Mrs. Badass is my hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Glad your back!
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-04 05:04 am (UTC)Hope all is well with you! We missed you and are very happy you are back with us!
Off to read...
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:04 am (UTC)FUCKING EYEBROWS.
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Date: 2011-02-05 03:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-04 05:05 am (UTC)BOYS
and Mrs. Badass.
EYEBROWS. HAIR GEL.
There is so much about this to love and flail at I'll just...
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
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Date: 2011-02-05 03:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-04 05:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-04 05:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-05 03:31 am (UTC)while he hasn't been around, there is a little hint of the fact that Paul accepts Dave because he'll represent Dave's friend/crush/boyhewantstospendtherestofhislifewith. <3
YESSSS. Paul got his head out of his ass and realized this is his boy. He's not going to do something to ruin that.
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:18 am (UTC)Good to see you're back, hope everything's worked out! Fabulous installment by the way, I swear whenever I'm reading these I never want them to end.
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:20 am (UTC)"Mom. Did you know you can buy arsenic online? Isn't that so neat?"
Ever single word of this was pure gold!
You came back with a bang!(Or should I say SMASH!)
God, I almost thought Kurt was going to grab Dave and kiss him "thanks" once they got into the car. (I feeeel it... It's sooooo close...)
Welcome back, girls!
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:20 am (UTC)♥♥♥
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:27 am (UTC)I'm glad you're back, :]
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:29 am (UTC)Mrs. Badass, is tres awesome. The whole Blaine confrontation was hilarious. plus, her calling him eyebrows? Perfect~
Awwwwe, Kurt having a Dave playlist. <3
Awesome chapter!
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:34 am (UTC)Kurt is finally away from that creepy hell hole! Rejoyce! Walking Dead marathon is just around the corner.
And oh man, David Playlist. Fantastic. Just...love...dirty, filthy wonderful love.
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:40 am (UTC)Happy year of the rabbit!
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:43 am (UTC)The truth is that the playlist is so you can dream about David without being interrupted. :)
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:43 am (UTC)Missed you girls!
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:44 am (UTC)Mrs. Badass is .... well .... BADASS.
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:49 am (UTC)This...this was so amazing! Creepyfuck!Blaine being creepy again (knew he wasn't done being a douche yet unfortunately). Mrs. Badass lived up to her name *perfectly*! And she was so sweet to Kurt, and she wore Dave's jacket and mocked Blaine's hair and SHE MAY BE CARRYING A FUCKING SHIV I CANT EVEN RYDHDBDHDJJXF!!!! And the fact that Kurt has a Dave playlist was just icing on the cake LOL
This has made my night, thank you : )
OH HEY, WELCOME BACK AND STUFF.
Date: 2011-02-04 05:52 am (UTC)AND AASKDFJASDKFASDHF KURT HAD A DAVID PLAYLIST. IF THAT DOESN'T SAY SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE DOES. (i mean, i get music from my friends all the time, but you don't see me making playlists with their names on it... :'D )
perfection, you guys. just... ALWAYS PERFECTION. unf, this story. <3
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Date: 2011-02-04 05:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-04 05:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-04 06:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-04 06:01 am (UTC)About this KIMS:
HOLY CRAP!! He just reached a whole new level of creepiness!! I yelled 'you bitch' when he dug out all the courageous crap ¬¬ Bastard! Anyway, enough of Blaine.
So much love for David and Mrs. Badass, she rocks! And Oh My God! The David playlist is love. Kurt just doesn't know it. I'm so glad he's out of there and back to WMHS to be his fabulous self.
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Date: 2011-02-05 03:33 am (UTC)